Hey Ridge,
Me and my family have entered the world of dating and
girlfriends. I thought you might like a quick peek into our lives. First of
all, my kids are not allowed to date (which means to have an exclusive
boyfriend or girlfriend) until they are juniors in high school. Most of the
youth i have ever talked with (and i've talked with a few) always equate dating
with getting physical. Once they have a girlfriend or boyfriend they feel it is
now permissible to hug, hold hands, kiss, cuddle, fondle, feel up, touch, grind
etc etc. So for me in my very PERSONAL view, dating doesn't need to happen when
they are in middle school. If they want to be friends with someone of the
opposite gender and talk with them and text them then that is okay. But there
is no need to go further. No need to be exclusive. Heck, at that age they are
still trying to figure out who they are and how they are supposed to live and
what it means to be in a relationship with God. They should not be depending on
a boyfriend or girlfriend to make them feel complete until they know that only
God will complete them. (Quick tangent: If you remember the movie, Jerry
McGuire, there was a very sweet, but very FALSE line. Jerry says to his
significant other, "you complete me." Man, talk about pressure. She
now has the pressure to complete him.
That is not her job and that puts way too
much focus on your mate. Only God can complete us. If we expect other people to
do that, we are only setting up ourselves for disaster and disappointment.)
Anyway, figuring out how to rely on God is tough enough when you are single and
young. Now throw in a boyfriend or girlfriend and it only gets more
complicated.
We laid the foundation of not dating until they were
older even when our kids were in elementary school. We just wanted them to know
from the very beginning where we stood.
Well, my son is now a junior. He has found himself
fancied by a particular lovely young lady so...let the dating begin! But before
it can begin, we have some other ground rules. First he had to read a book
called the 10 commandments of dating. It is a very short book. Small pages, big
letters, wide spacing. THEN he had to come up with his own top 10 dating
commandments. We had a conversation with him over his top 10. Then my wife and
I got to add any commandments that he might have missed. We all agree that
these are the rules that will guide us as we enter into this dating scene. We
also required that our son talk with the girl's parents and ask their
permission to date their daughter. We told him that as her boyfriend he will be
in charge of protecting her physically, emotionally and spiritually. Her
parents are trusting him with their precious daughter. We have now also laid the ground work with our 2 daughters. They know that any boy that wants to date
them needs to make sure to talk with us before he gets to take them out. They
also know they can not go out unless he does so. And they know that the boy is
ASKING to be her boyfriend. He is NOT TELLING us. We get final say. He needs to
respect us, as well as her.
Talking about these dating rules ahead of time will
hopefully help us avoid some of the pitfalls i have seen other families fall
into. I know there will be some surprises that come our way, but hopefully they
will be fewer and less dramatic by taking this approach.
Give me a shout if you want to know more. Or maybe you
have older kids and have learned a thing or two. I would LOVE to hear what
wisdom you might have for me and my family.
Oh, by the way, the girl said yes, and so did her
parents. So NOW, let the dating begin!
the father & son junkyard-where souls are salvaged a
ministry of the ridge
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