Monday, July 13, 2015

The Art of the Fight

Were you and your spouse ever taught how to fight? My husband and I weren't.  And although we had our parents as examples, they hadn't been taught how to fight either.  My parents always seemed happy.  I never heard them speak an unkind word to each other and I certainly never saw them argue, so you can understand my shock when they divorced.  On the other hand, my husband's parents fought frequently.  They would yell, call each other names, and throw things at each other.  They also divorced.

Flash forward a few years to our first "real" fight after we got married.  It was over finances.  I don't remember the details, but I do remember telling my husband, "If we don't get our finances in order, we are going to end up having money issues just like your parents."  Low blow!  Instead of getting my point across, I had stepped out of bounds and delivered a one-two punch to my husband.  It hurt him deeply and solved nothing.

Little did we know, there was actually an art to fighting.  Anytime you put together two people with two different ideas on how to spend money, divide responsibilities, manage time, raise kids, deal with in-laws, and so on...fighting is inevitable.  But how you fight makes all the difference.  It can solve a problem or make it worse.  It can draw you closer together as a couple or it can distance you from each other. 

Would you and your spouse like to learn the art of fighting?  Then join us for "Fight Night" with Les and Leslie Parrott on Saturday, September 19 from 7:00pm-9:30pm.  They'll cover topics like: bridging the gender gap, the four red flags of conflict, the secret to keeping a cool head and a warm heart, and how 10 minutes out of your week will diminish conflict. Learn about all of that and more in a fun and relaxed atmosphere. Go to www.FightNightIowa.com for more information.

By Brooke Brewer, Ridge Partner & Marriage Mentor

1 comment:

Compost Man said...

Thank you for your post. Mike's message last Sunday, covering Esther Chapter 7, offered some good insight into "how to fight" also, with his comments about treating each other with respect, first and foremost. Blowing up or unloading on your partner won't help! We need to pay attention, listen, and remain in control.

Tom Broadbooks